Mind Control

I did not make any unrealistic resolutions this year. Did I make any resolutions? Nope, I believe that each day I wake up is chance to get it right. Do not get me wrong planning is very important?

Fall 2009 I planned my semester and it was my worst semester ever. A few tragedies occurred and I never got back on track. I am working on mind control. My former therapy was writing for purging and pleasure. By year end my mind was ready to explode. I did not follow up or keep track of grades in one class and I settled for the grades because my assignments were ALL late. I was relieved they were accepted and I did not ask for grades, at least I passed. This is my education , my time and my money. I will not let myself be so consumed that I forget my standards.

My sleepless nights did not end fruitful. (10 hours in a week) I attempted to do everything but did not master anything. Disappointed. I was disappointed but I decided to get over my feelings of disappointment and focus on enjoying life instead of not having time for anything.

Slowly but surely I have begun living my life in certain facets. My biggest accomplishment was finally being comfortable in the skin I am in. I decided that the world's expectations did not measure up to my expectations of myself. My friends and family that were unaware of my sexuality have been more supportive than I imagined. My oldest sister is still in shock that I am engaged to a woman her exact words, "I have known you all your life and have never known you to be that way". I am practicing my patience and compassion. Advice given to me by fiance.

My uncle died on December 19 less than a month after his 45th birthday. My uncle's death came two months after my grandfather's funeral. The sad moments just made me want to "live" and I have been merely existing.