WOW

What is your wow factor? I have an ever changing wow factor. Today I am looking at the how little I have written in my blog in 2010. My trade off for not blogging after vowing to blog is journaling. I never realized I had written so much in this blog. WOW!! Reading repetition in my life is a sad and scary. Viewing how I have transformed is empowering in a sense.

Mind Control

I did not make any unrealistic resolutions this year. Did I make any resolutions? Nope, I believe that each day I wake up is chance to get it right. Do not get me wrong planning is very important?

Fall 2009 I planned my semester and it was my worst semester ever. A few tragedies occurred and I never got back on track. I am working on mind control. My former therapy was writing for purging and pleasure. By year end my mind was ready to explode. I did not follow up or keep track of grades in one class and I settled for the grades because my assignments were ALL late. I was relieved they were accepted and I did not ask for grades, at least I passed. This is my education , my time and my money. I will not let myself be so consumed that I forget my standards.

My sleepless nights did not end fruitful. (10 hours in a week) I attempted to do everything but did not master anything. Disappointed. I was disappointed but I decided to get over my feelings of disappointment and focus on enjoying life instead of not having time for anything.

Slowly but surely I have begun living my life in certain facets. My biggest accomplishment was finally being comfortable in the skin I am in. I decided that the world's expectations did not measure up to my expectations of myself. My friends and family that were unaware of my sexuality have been more supportive than I imagined. My oldest sister is still in shock that I am engaged to a woman her exact words, "I have known you all your life and have never known you to be that way". I am practicing my patience and compassion. Advice given to me by fiance.

My uncle died on December 19 less than a month after his 45th birthday. My uncle's death came two months after my grandfather's funeral. The sad moments just made me want to "live" and I have been merely existing.

Weddings

I have served as a bridesmaid and maid of honor on a few occasions. Each experience has a load of stories behind it it. I enjoyed each and everyone one of them. Lately my admiration for the traditional wedding continues to fade at a rapid pace. The list of what "they" say you should do. Who are "they"? Are "they" paying for weddings these days. I am so done with brides saying I want to do it like this or heck not even thinking about what she and her groom wants but what "they" said. Keisha is saying I am doing what I want to do. Don't get me wrong I love the fairy tale princess bride thing and I have seen done smoothly. I just am so past it at my ripe old age. LOVE is enough for me. My mate, me , chillins (children LOL) , somewhere romantic peaceful a committment. I just cant take to much stress and no focus on the meaning of marriage.
Dream on princess brides.

Addictions

I have suffered very few addictions in my life.   Years ago I was addicted to chocolate I seriously craved it.  I would open  chocolate icing and eat it.  I was not glutenous and did not devour the container but this fact only adds to my argument.  My satisfaction would be reached almost at the smell of the chocolate but I needed only about one or two spoons.  Mother would be livid.  I soon grew out of that.  Later addictions included shoes, sales racks in all departments of the store including the men's section without a man to shop for etc..   The last two days I have become addicted to both quizzes on Facebook and the game on Sorority life.  I need help.

Blogging

I spend my days marveling about things I am definitely going to blog about.  I actually write random notes on random things.  Like a napkin while driving down the rode.  I even purchased a small notebook for my purse.  The purse changed and the notebook stayed, no pertinent info in the purse or notebook.   It saddens me thinking of all the ideas that never made it to the surface.  My tears gather at the corners of my eyes because class is over and no one will be forced to "follow me".   Hopefully, the summer will be filled with fun, relaxation, and "adult content".   

Time

Can someone please tell me how to change the time on this thing. I am reading my recently posted blogs and the time is not correct. I never noticed this until Andrea mentioned something aobut me posting during class time last week. I actually was very excited to finish posting at work. I now see the time is not accurate. Help, Please and thanks.

Hair

My son Kaleb does not want a haircut. Kaleb will tell anyone who will listen him especially when he is upset about getting his hair washed or braided. He know wants to wear it in an afro but does not want it cut. He argues , "Mom you just don't want me to go to school with an afro".
This is far from the truth because I once wore an afro. I went so far as to lead a protest in support of his hair by wearing my fro to a meeting at his old school. My problem is his fear of the haircut. I want it trimmed and lined up. After we finished at the braider's he said "Karen next time I am going to the barbershop, I am going to let them cut only a little bit. You can braid it again this summer after I see how I like it." I was astounded this is the child who hates CHANGE . I feel I want to go to a a beauty salon opposed to Devyn's barber. My favorite Target associate has hair like Kaleb's I love the curl pattern. He told me his is actually cut in layers to keep his curl and he uses a leave in conditioner. I got his stylist's card. I can't wait. I am wondering if this kid is really ready to go through with this.